About Same Sex Marriage

Copyright Steven M. Cohn, PhD

When most heterosexuals think about same sex marriage, they probably aren’t thinking “I’ll bet I could learn a lot about relationships by learning more about gay and lesbian couples.”

But, according to researcher and relationship expert John Gottman, "Gay and lesbian couples are a lot more mature, more considerate in trying to improve a relationship and have a greater awareness of equality in a relationship than straight couples."

For example, in thinking about same sex marriage, Gottman and his research team discovered that heterosexual couples and homosexual couples fight in very different ways. What Gottman calls "the triumph of positive emotions over negative emotions."

According to the research, gay and lesbian couples are less domineering and bring up conflict with more affection and humor. Gays and lesbians are friendlier, warmer, and less belligerent. Contrast this with heterosexual couples where relationship conflict is, according to Gottman, “much more of a power struggle with someone being invalidated."

In writing about gay and lesbian relationships, Gottman concludes: "The overall implication of this research is that we have to shake off all of the stereotypes of homosexual relationships and have more respect for them as committed relationships. Gays and lesbians may be more competent at having a mature relationship. Our data suggests our society needs to reconsider its policy and that we should value and honor love wherever we find it."

The first article in this series is titled Issues In Gay Marriages

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